Forcing Myself to Become Confident

I’d cry if my mam took me to a new after-school activity, or if I had to start at a new school where I knew no one. I was often the quietest kid in the classroom; everyone said that I was shy. I feel that many people can relate to this: not wanting to talk to strangers and not wanting to embarrass oneself. For years, I was like this, and it was exhausting. Now, while I may not be the most outgoing and loudest person in the room, I can talk to new people and get through things I never could have before.

I moved schools a lot as a child. I attended five different primary schools, one secondary school, and now I am attending university. This wasn’t due to my behaviour or anything; we just moved house a lot, and my parents really wanted me to have a good education. Once, my parents took me out of one school and put me into another just 20 minutes away. They believed that it would be better for me because of the work they did in that school. Immigrant parents.

I was shy probably up until I was 16. I had just skipped 4th year and started 5th year in secondary school. In Irish secondary schools, you can skip 4th year (otherwise known as ‘Transition Year’) and enter the year group above you, therefore finishing school a year early. I obviously chose this option because I love making my life hard, so I was thrust into a whole new group of people, just after getting comfortable in my own year group. Here I realised that I cannot be shy anymore. It was hard; I didn’t immediately crawl out of my shell. I slowly started talking to more people, usually those who sat next to me in class.

At the end of fifth year, I got a job in a home decor shop. I hated this job, but I’m grateful for it as it made me so much more talkative and outgoing, and confident. I was forced to talk to strangers all day, every day. I eventually left this job and found another in a cafe, which is much more enjoyable, but any job that involves speaking with the public is great for improving your confidence.

I got into my first relationship the winter of my sixth year. This, for me, boosted my confidence. I talked to more people because now people who knew my boyfriend also knew me. Feeling love from a person also made me feel better about myself. This relationship did eventually end, but that’s a story for another day.

Starting university was a massive change for me. Stepping out of my comfort zone massively helped me become more outgoing and gain confidence. Journalism is such a social career path, so I had no choice but to step out there. I had to talk in front of my coursemates and lecturers. I had to take part in group projects (and often take charge). I had my voice flowing through the speakers in my radio journalism seminars while I cringed in my seat. All of that helped me grow up and realise that there is no point in being shy.

If you never step out of your comfort zone, you will never get anywhere. That is a big, harsh statement, I understand that. Have you ever seen any of these successful people saying that they never stepped out of their comfort zone and just kept doing the same thing their entire lives? No, because it’s crucial to change, to step out of your comfort zone, to try something new. I, personally, realised that for me to get where I want to be, I would have to stop being so shy and quiet.

I am not all the way there yet. I don’t just go up to anyone and start talking to them. I sometimes still feel a little bit shy in new places, but that’s completely normal. You don’t just decide one day to completely change your entire life. It takes time, so much time, but its a good thing to try and accomplish.

You can do anything you put your mind to, it just takes time.

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