There was a brief, glorious window, roughly 1995 to 2004, when Hollywood decided the Middle Ages didn’t need to be grim. No mud-caked realism, no muted colour palettes, no dragons brooding in the rain. Instead we got glitter eyeshadow under coronets, jousting tournaments soundtracked by classic rock, and castles that looked like they’d been decorated by a teenager with a Claire’s Accessories card.